Ep.13: Do You Trust Yourself?

Do you trust yourself? Do you trust your decisions? Do you trust your thoughts? Do you trust yourself to want? Do you behave in a trustworthy way? Can you count on you?

I have definitely had circumstances in my life where I didn't trust myself, where my behavior was not trustworthy, where I put myself in danger. I didn't listen to my gut, I ignored red flags. I know the term inner child is used a lot, sometimes overused, and maybe we've become desensitized to it or turned off by it, but I want to talk for just a second about your inner child, my inner child. It's really just a metaphor for the version of me who needs to be able to trust someone. I need my inner child to be able to trust me and, more importantly, I need to stand up for her. I need to be there for her. I need to support her and the grownups I depended upon for safety and support. They were not always trustworthy. It's time for me to support me, to love me, to care for me, to keep me safe.

Do you do that? My guess is no, because all of my clients, all of the women that I sponsor in a 12-step program, my friends, my colleagues, pretty much everyone I know, especially those of us socialized as women, we prioritize other people's feelings. We prioritize other people's safety. We prioritize what other people want, sometimes to our own detriment. Why would we do that? I don't want people to think I'm mean. I don't want to hurt people's feelings. I don't want them to talk shit about me. What if they don't like me? So I make them my priority, and then little Dawn gets relegated to sitting by herself, nobody to comfort her, nobody to be her cheerleader.

Let's make a commitment right now. Are you ready? I commit, say it with me.

I commit to check in with the little version of myself, the child from back when, the person inside of me who needs me to embrace her. I'm gonna check in with her today. I'm gonna check in with her in this instance. How does she feel? What does she want? What does she need me to do for her Cause?

The truth is like I'm the only person that I've got. Yes, there are people around me that I love and respect and I want them to like me and I wanna build relationships and I wanna be a good mom and a good partner and a good daughter and a good neighbor and a good employee, but I'm the only one. I come into this world with me. I leave this world with me. If I can't trust me, I'm always gonna be looking outside of myself for someone to make decisions for me, for someone to choose for me, for someone to take care of me. Ooh, nobody's coming. Nobody's coming to save me, nobody's coming to rescue me. I have to take care of myself.

I want to build that trust and then hand in hand big me and little me. We build confidence, we feel certain and capable and willing to try hard things, willing to put ourselves out there, willing to go be big in the world. Because we've got this trust relationship me, big me and little me. I have sacrificed little me too many times. I don't need to repeat that pattern that happened to me back when I was a kid. I trust me to pause and to think and to look inward and to see how something feels.

If I feel anxious about doing something, maybe I don't do that thing. You know, it's been very easy for me with my own daughter as she was growing up. If she felt uncomfortable doing something, she didn't have to do it. Now, certainly there are situations where I want to encourage her to stretch and build and take risks. But first, first, before that, I need to make sure that she trusts me, that she doesn't have to go places with strangers if she feels uncomfortable, that certain smells or sounds might not feel safe to her, so she can stay with me. I'm not gonna make her sit on the lap of some guy in a red suit if she doesn't want to no way. I want to help her learn that she can trust her own inner knowing she can trust her intuition, her gut feeling. I am giving that to her as a gift and I give it to myself as a gift.

I don't have to explain why I don't wanna do something or why this person makes me feel uncomfortable or why the bells and whistle alarms are going off inside my body. I don't have to explain that. I honor it. I trust me.

I want you to trust you too. Don't sacrifice yourself. Don't ignore the red flags.

Don't convince yourself that you're being silly. Nah, trust yourself. Build that trustworthy relationship between you and your inner child. It will make you feel so powerful, so grounded, so loved. That's a commitment I'm making to myself for 2024.

Are you on my email list? I'm gonna go more in depth into it. Why it is that? I think I learned not to trust myself. I send an email out every Sunday to my people where I offer coaching. I tell intimate stories. I get my most vulnerable with you there. It's also a place where you get exclusive offers from me. I wanna include you in the fun.